Wetlook World Forum

Message # 95848.1.1.1.2

Subject: Re:feedback

Date: Tue 04/07/23 16:08:59 GMT

Name: Soaking Academy

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By NCgreg231LC2 - ncgreg231@yahoo.com Sun 02/07/23 17:14:13 GMT

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Hmm...negative criticism first...in a few places the story FEELS (to me) to be "excessively wordy" such as: The sun burned a furious orange as it descended over the sand dunes. Where it could have been: The sun was beginning its descent over the sand dues.  Yes, that says nearly exactly the same thing, yet leaving out the description of the sun burning a furious orange allows the reader to more freely imagine how he/she might want the sun to look.  Maybe it reminds me of essay writing in school when there was a minimum required word count where adding the maximum adjectives helped reach the minimum required word count sooner???

Another example of this? As her SUV cut through the relentless sands, its engine growling like a panther... >>i was rather annoyed by the description of its engine growling like a panther.  Probably because i work with engines a lot, and "purring like a kitten" is about the only comparison of an engine noise to an animal sound that doesn't sound out of place to me.  If you had simply said "its engine growling" i would have preferred that! Yet again, this is my own personal reaction.

With her gear in tow, she ventured into the part of the temple that was above water.  (this was like an unexpected jump! One second, she is approaching the temple.  The next second, she is already parked, & approaching the temple with gear that unloaded itself??) >> Sarah slowed the SUV to a stop, shifted into neutral and set the parking brake.  She patiently opened the boot/tailgate/trunk/cargo door and began selecting the items she would need first and placed all of it into the cart/sled/skid/etc ...SMALL LEATHER BACKBACK! and stepped closer to her objective... << with her gear in tow, she ventured into the part of the temple that was above water...

A well prepared explorer WOULD have a change of clothes, unless in her excitement (maybe rival archeologist also searching for the same temple?) she just packed the absolute minimum to more quickly begin the drive to this location...

The water rose steadily, reaching her waist, causing her to let out a loud gasp as it seeped through her pants and into her underwear. OR>> The water rose steadily up her thighs. When it reached her crotch, she let our a loud gasp as she felt the cool water saturate her underwear (based on reading a few stories from a few lady writers over the years)

Whelp...if someone said i had to revise/rewrite your story, i would alter many of the details, but the basic story premise is entertaining enough (recall - i am the guy that doesn't like wetlook fiction) and this brings up a NEW excuse for getting wet fully clothed - writer's research! I say that, because some of the details contradict the way i have experienced getting wet fully clothed.  I didn't really get a "chatbot GPT" etc feeling from your typing.

I would caution you against writing something for the positive comments that are seen a lot. Positive comments are all good and well, but if that is the goal of your writing, the negative comments might likely steal your joy! I can't imagine there is enough wetlook readers to be profitable writing wetlook stories, but on the other hand, a sensual story using water as a sensual element MIGHT? (i really have no idea on what the literature market responds to) but somehow crafting a "50 shades of gray" version involving water might find greater widespread appeal?  Of course, "50 shades of wet" might be a great title HERE, but probably will cause people to compare your story to the other one?

Hmmm... well, how's THIS for feedback?

By Bruno - Tue 27/06/23 00:11:31 GMT

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By Soaking Academy - Mon 26/06/23 21:28:28 GMT

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Also, feel free to tell us what kind of stories you'd like to see next, and in which format (novel, short story collection, etc.)

Thanks!

By Soaking Academy - Mon 26/06/23 20:31:30 GMT

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https://soaking-academy.itch.io/the-hidden-oasis